guilt

This past weekend, guilt was my best friend. we snuggled up together & gathered my thoughts & figured out the amazing ways that i could feel poorly about every decision that i made. we talked about things that i might say, things, i did say, things i might do, things i might not, we decided that there was guilt to be had in everything. guilt made sure that i knew he was my ONLY friend & reassured me that others would not be close or ever want to be.
Guilt is a very selfish friend.

Allowing this friend into my life makes me miserable, but more importantly, he makes everyone else miserable, chases everyone away, causes arguments, alienates family and friends, and a host of other self-destructive issues that come along with his friendship.

Sometimes i wonder if guilt is a better friend because i allow him more access than the God that i love so much. Guilt makes sure that i know how little we deserve a relationship with the God who created us. Guilt makes sure to keep me alone so that others don’t try to pull me out of his closeness. Guilt makes sure that the only friends that are allowed in are self-loathing, hate, pity, and regret.

Like little minions, they surround the mind. Taunting. Laughing. Reveling in the brokenness of it all.

The only solution, the only way to fight this battle, is to turn to the One. Take the help that He offers. Take up the armour that He offers freely and FIGHT. Actively speak the words of life. Demand that guilt return to the pit from which he arose and take back the battlefield. Quit making guilt comfortable and demand that he leave the property. He will keep trying to return, so this battle will take a lifetime. But the One who battles with you and for you will never lose strength, never lose heart, never lose faith, never lose hope. He is the One who comes to break the chains that bind your mind and tear down the walls of steel and brick to free you from hate, sin, regret and give you hope & life more abundantly.

Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.
Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled. ~Hebrews 12:12-15

Today i pray for those whose minds are riddled with guilt, who are plagued by regret, & those that cannot break free on their own. i pray that God would free their minds and release their burdens and give them life and light in the battle. i pray they would have the strength to put on the whole armor and to speak the words out loud in their own lives and in the lives of others.

anxious

Monday, i woke up

stressed…

panicked…

anxious…

bad dreams had abruptly awoken me at 3am. trying to forget them, the next 3 hours were an attempted failure of sleep.

tossing…

turning…

worry covering the whole brain

like a fog.

it seemed the day would be shot before feet ever met floor that day.

what was the point of even getting up?

i trust God. i believe God. i walk in His truth. i walk in His love.

but the fog would not be shaken.

He beckoned me, as He had at 3am. “Come sit. Converse with Me. I AM the One who can help clear the fog.”

i finally relented, but there was not much time before the day would demand attention. even a short moment. spend time with the One.

One who cares. One who loves.

One who can break thru the loud screaming of defeat.

a

friend

sent

this

quote

there is truth within.

i was feeling depressed about things that have happened.

i was concentrating & worrying & stressing about things that have not yet happened. things that might never happen.

anxious about the future.

forgetting everything that God has helped us come thru.

forgetting all the miracles. the blessings. the past. the present.

TRUTH: living in the present. at peace. satisfied. not worrying. confident.

Philippians 4:6NLT

“Don’t worry about anything. Instead, pray about EVERYTHING. Tell God what you need & THANK HIM for ALL He’s done!”

Talk to Him.

Build your relationship with Him.

The stronger the relationship, the easier it is to entrust, be thankful, worry less about the things that have not yet come to be.

Psalm 37 NLT

Don’t worry about the wicked or envy those who do wrong.

For like grass, they soon fade away. Like spring flowers, they soon wither.

Trust in the Lord & do good.

Then you will live safely in the land & prosper.

Take delight in the Lord & He will give you your hearts desires.

Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him & He will help you.

He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn & the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.

Be still in the presence of the Lord & wait patiently for Him to act.

Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.

Stop being angry! Turn from your rage!

Do not lose your temper – it only leads to harm.

For the wicked will be destroyed

but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land…

Today i prayed for those…

right

Psalm 18:21-24

For I have kept the ways of the Lord (i do my best)

I have not done evil by turning away from my God (feelin pretty confident)

All His laws are before me; I have not turned away from His decrees

(well… most of the time)

I have been blameless before Him (umm… well, not exactly completely blameless)

And have kept myself from sin (ok… that one is gunna be hard to claim, but…)

The Lord has rewarded me according to my righteousness (WHAT?!)

According to the cleanness of my hands in His sight… (i stand dumbfounded)

How is this possible? Nobody can make any of these claims, least of all me. Every day we fall, we blow it, we definitely do NOT have “cleanness of hands”. So how can He reward me according to MY righteousness? As soon as we begin to believe in OUR righteousness, we are usually hit square in the face with how sinful we can really be. The moment we believe that we are blameless, truth comes like a bright light, shining on all our iniquities and we are exposed.

Truth is…

Jesus is the One that kept the laws
Jesus is the One that does not turn away
Jesus is the One that is blameless
Jesus is the One that has clean hands

Jesus is the only One who matches this description. When we accept His work on the cross, when we choose to walk with Him, when we choose His plan over ours, THEN we become all of these things. not in our own merit, but in His. we could never live up to perfect, but we can put on the righteousness of Jesus in place of our own faithlessness and present ourselves with His covering. He took our place of punishment for sin. He went to the cross and died in our place.

2 Corinthians 5:21: “For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.”

we have an opportunity for life – here – now – while living in this sin-filled world, while we are sinners. He stands in our place so that the Lord sees His righteousness and the cleanness of His hands in our place.

Hebrews 11:6 And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to Him must believe that God exists and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him.

My Pastor reminds us of the terminology of this verse speaking of Jesus actually becoming our reward. Literally: “He becomes the reward of those who diligently seek Him” Don’t you love that?! As we seek Him, He becomes our reward & covers our sin & becomes our righteousness.

Today i pray that we would remember who we are in Christ. i pray that we would remember where we come from as we walk among others that come across our path. i pray that we would have grace for those who are struggling to find their path and give love as graciously as it has been given to us.

Today i pray that those who do not know You, would find You. that they would see the God who forgives, who loves, who gives peace & joy & life to those who seek after Him. today i pray that God shows Himself thru others, that the ones who seek, will find. i pray that you would know Him more intimately, more abundantly, & be able to claim Him as your own…

answers

this week has been a week of JOY and answers for our house {employment!} and many of my friends who we have been praying for. we are so joyful for all the answers. so many times in the last few days, my heart is so overwhelmed with joy that it feels like it is going to burst from my chest & i cannot move. since the realization that we were going to be ok and just that it was time to wait on God’s timing, we became enamored with the waiting and have been blessed more than abundantly in the process.

2 Corinthians 9: 6-15

Remember this – a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure, for God loves a person who gives cheerfully {Proverbs 22:9} And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the Scriptures say,

“They share feely and give generously to the poor.

Their good deeds will be remembered forever.” {Psalm 112:9}

For God is the One who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, He will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you.

Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God. So two good things will result from this ministry of giving – the needs of the believers in Jerusalem will be met, and they will joyfully express their thanks to God.

As a result of your ministry, they will give glory to God. For your generosity to them and to all the believers will prove that you are obedient to the Good News of Christ. And they will pray for you will deep affection because of the overflowing grace God has given to you. Thank God for this gift too wonderful for words!

what an amazing passage of teaching! as we are a blessing to others, He blesses us so abundantly that we cannot help but pour out in generosity and the circle continues. we have been blessed by so many this week and our hearts are filled to overflowing from seeing God’s church at work in our little sphere of life. He teaches us to depend on one another and be interwoven as His family, the church.

today i pray that God puts people in our path that are in need of the blessing He has bestowed on us! i pray that we would be able to give generously to those who need blessing, that what we cannot give in things, we will be able to give in words and encouragement. i pray that God’s glory shines thru and that those who do not know the One will find Him thru the blessings of His children. i pray that God’s children would be driven to their knees in joy, that they would be so overwhelmed with His love today that they cannot contain it and it would spread like fire thru our city, our county, and beyond. today i give praise and thanks and glory to the One who provides, the One who watches over us, the One who encourages us, the One who loves…

today i also pray for the ones who have not received answers, who are still in the middle, who still wait. i pray that they would find the joy in the waiting, the hope to continue, and would be able to wait expectantly for their answers knowing that the One is building their character and growing their relationship with Him.

today i pray for those who received their answers, but they are not answers of joy. i pray for the hard answers, the crushing news, the heartbroken and the weary. i pray that in the midst of their brokenness and their pain, that they would find peace in the struggle, they would feel loved in the process, they would be surrounded with God’s people and His words. i pray that their minds get rest and their relationships knit together tighter as they lean in to the One. be with the hurting and the broken today, Lord.

unfailing

Psalm 13:1-2
How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

today, we agonize with the many that we know and the many that we don’t, who are going thru financial crisis. So many are hurting. So many are losing their jobs, their homes, their livelihood. So many are scared. Fear creeps in thru the cracks and the crevices. Worry breaks down the doors and bursts thru the windows.

BUT GOD…
we will remember the past
we will remember His faithfulness
we will remember His provision

13:3 Look on me and answer, Oh Lord my God…

He is a God who does not forget those whom He has created. He is a God who wraps His arms around those who are His. He is a God who provides, who loves, who carries our burdens and gives us hope, purpose, life. we cry out HOW LONG… how long will i wrestle with my thoughts… how long will i have sorrow in my heart… how long…

13:5-6
BUT i trust in YOUR unfailing love
my heart rejoices in YOUR salvation
i will sing to the Lord for HE HAS BEEN GOOD to me…

today i pray that You would clear the minds of the weary and exhausted ones. i pray You would give new hope, fresh thoughts, and freedom from fear. i pray You would give answers and help and be a tangible presence in each one of our lives, Lord. we know that only You can rescue us from the depths of our mind and only You are able to refresh our day. only You, Lord, can make something from nothing and deliverance from hopelessness. we plead and plead for You to deliver us from this agony today and give us joy and peace and life from the depths of Your unfailing love…